In case you missed my BIG NEWS:
My first book is out on AMAZON
and also available for sale through my website!
Please consider buying a copy!
“We read to know we are not alone.” C.S. Lewis
THE QUEEN HAS SPOKEN!
Midlife Magic: Becoming The Person You Are Inside!
December 15, 2008
1 Comment | 
Acceptance, Anger and marriage, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Codependency, Control issues, Creativity, Dating at 50, Dealing with anger, Defining midlife, Domestic abuse, Falling in love, Hot flashes, Identity crisis, Job loss, Learning cycles, Lingerie, Living alone, Living an authentic life, Loneliness, Lost love, Love later in life, Love of animals, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Midlife support, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Shame and change, Singles success, Stress and marriage, Techniques for transitioning, alienation, career change, depression, divorce, love and hope, menopause, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing, self-protection, selflessness, solitude, walking | Tagged: The book: Midlife Magic | 
Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Finding Your True North
December 5, 2008Have you heard yet of an interesting contest put on my True North?
They are looking for the stories of those who feel that their passion in life is worthy of international attention and $25,000 to further their cause.
If you go to their web site, you will see where you can write in your 300 word story, add photos, videos, etc. and submit it. If your story/cause is chosen, they will produce a “60-second commercial” which will appear on the Academy Awards show this February, and throw $25,000 worth of support behind your cause.
Check it out to share your story! I just did! You only have to the end of December, so don’t delay! —The Queen
No Comments » | 
Acceptance, Anger and marriage, Authenticity, Creativity, Dating at 50, Defining midlife, Falling in love, Identity crisis, Job loss, Learning cycles, Living an authentic life, Loneliness, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, alienation, career change, depression, divorce | Tagged: inspirational stories, True North stories | 
Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Is Online Dating Just For Losers?
November 19, 2008
While perusing the Huffington Post this AM, I came upon an interesting advice column apparently directed at those in their twenties. They were asking Christine Hassler if “digital dating” was only for “desperate, older people.”
This was a whole new concept for me. Did you know that the youngsters of today are embarrassed to admit that they’ve considered or tried online dating? This column was an attempt to encourage young people to not feel like online dating was only for “pathetic or older people.”
Are we all feeling pathetic or “older” out there? No, because we’re smart enough to know that meeting the right partner is only one of the greatest challenges in life, especially after you’re out in the “real world” with a mortgage, kids, and a million other things on your mind!
I have to say I never felt desperate, pathetic or older when I turned to E-Harmony or Match.com. I felt realistic. I worked in an academic library with women and mostly gay men, and I hadn’t met a man I was attracted to in years!
I happen to believe that online dating is no different than any other type of dating. You need to approach it with the right attitude, and be clear about your goals. Don’t expect Prince Charming, because there ain’t none out there! Expect to meet ordinary, flawed human beings just like you, who believe that their life could be much improved with some positive, loving companionship.
Life is tough enough on your own, feeling responsible for everything that could go wrong in your life. Why not look around for someone to share the ups and downs with?
I’m just happy that there is this new and sometimes improved method of meeting those in your area that might mesh with you and your needs.
9 Comments | 
Acceptance, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Creativity, Dating at 50, Death of a spouse, Defining midlife, Falling in love, Identity crisis, Learning cycles, Living alone, Living an authentic life, Loneliness, Lost love, Love later in life, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-responsibility, Techniques for transitioning, divorce, love and hope, self empowerment, self-nurturing, self-protection | Tagged: digital dating, online dating only for older people, why online dating services? | 
Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Falling In Love With Yourself All Over Again!
November 17, 2008
In reviewing the final draft of my forthcoming book, I suddenly realized that the secret to positive midlife transformation, is the slow, gentle process of falling in love with yourself all over again.
We probably all remember a time when we were very young and found ourselves simply delightful. This was long before the world told us to quit being so full of life. Every new thought and action seemed like a new discovery, and the world was our oyster!
Your goal in the midst of midlife depression and confusion is to recapture that feeling. After dealing with your grief over the many disappointments of life and aging, turn a new leaf. Begin putting all of your energy into remembering how cool you used to be, and then add on to that how amazing you have become over the past 30 or 40 years.
What happened to that kid who loved him/herself so much? The world happened. We had to learn all the rules and reasons why we couldn’t allow our true selves to blossom at that particular point in time. Well, guess what? It’s high time for your best self to start shining through…in fact it’s now or never!
For me, this was a time of rediscovering all the positive, creative things I loved to do, but had not done in ages, things like watercolors, writing, walking my dogs in beautiful, natural settings, and redecorating my house in all my favorite colors. I also kept a journal where I focused on what was great about me, instead of my old pattern of complaining about what a mess I was.
With divorce and unemployment I lost a lot of “security” but gained a wonderful new sense of freedom. Now I truly could do anything I wanted…who was there to stop me? Luckily I had months of severance and unemployment checks to free me up for a time, and help me decide what was next.
My point: you get to choose what happens next, and no one else can choose for you. I recommend the path of self-respect and love over the path of negativity and destruction.
No Comments » | Acceptance, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Control issues, Creativity, Dating at 50, Dealing with anger, Defining midlife, Falling in love, Identity crisis, Job loss, Learning cycles, Living alone, Living an authentic life, Love later in life, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Shame and change, Stress and marriage, Techniques for transitioning, career change, depression, divorce, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing, self-protection, solitude | Tagged: falling in love with yourself in midlife, midlife love | Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Why do so many of us lead sexless lives?
November 15, 2008Since I seem to have attracted many readers when I wrote about mistaken assumptions about sex, I thought I might discuss the most common mistaken assumption of all: That we are all having great sex lives!
According to Dr. Laura Berman, a well-known sex expert, 40 million American adults are leading sexless lives, that’s 1 in 5 of us, and 20% of marriages. Over 50% of us are dissatisfied with our sex lives. You know, if this was a disease, we’d probably be calling it an epidemic about now.
Why care about sex? Because a regular, healthy sex life helps you look 7-12 years younger, improves your immune function by 33% and releases natural pain relievers within the body. Intimacy with a loving partner is a great way to extend your life while feeling tremendous!
I’d be willing to bet that at least one of the reasons why so many of us avoid closeness with others as we age, is embarrassment about our own body image, and general critical feelings about ourselves. This situation is of course not helped by American advertising, which constantly bombards us with the images of young, perfect, photo-shopped bodies. Who can compete with that???
Dr. Oz spoke about this yesterday on ABC and recommended that we check out his “Happiness Quotient” Quiz to see how we really feel about our own bodies right now. He calls it your YOU-Q Inner and Outer Beauty Quiz. This is interesting because he encourages you to compare yourself right now to your “potential self.” In a large survey, most men and women ended up in the 95 to 99 range on his scale. I just took it, and got a 125.
What is most interesting to me, is that I know if I had taken this same test five years ago, during the worst of my midlife changes, my score would have been much lower. I truly felt like a loser personally and professionally, and did not believe it was even in the realm of possible, that anyone would ever love me again. Finding no way to love myself, how could I believe that others would ever find me attractive again.
This shows me what a difference midlife transformation can make. Putting all of your time and energy into changing yourself at midlife, creates all kinds of other positive possibilities. One thing just leads to another in a positive chain reaction, until you may finally find yourself with your best life ever!
No Comments » | Acceptance, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Control issues, Creativity, Dating at 50, Defining midlife, Domestic abuse, Falling in love, Identity crisis, Job loss, Learning cycles, Living alone, Living an authentic life, Loneliness, Love later in life, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Shame and change, Singles success, Stress and marriage, Techniques for transitioning, alienation, depression, divorce, health care, love and hope, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing, self-protection, selflessness, solitude | Tagged: body image and intimacy, Dr. Laura Berman, Dr. OZ, Happiness Quotient Quiz, midlife change and inner beauty, sexless lives in the U.S., You-Q Inner and Outer Beauty Quiz | Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Bring Me A Higher Love!
November 13, 2008
Everywhere I go I meet so many interesting and COOL older singles who are losing hope in ever finding true love again. My words to you are: DON’T GIVE UP!
By running a matchmaking service for older singles, I learned that there are SO MANY COOL adults looking for love later in life. More than you could possibly imagine!
Your best proof that you could meet someone great TODAY is this simple fact: You are single and look how amazing you are! There must be others just like you wondering how the hell to connect with cool singles. So many of us have become so jaded and cynical in the face of love. We need to begin to error on the side of optimism and find a way to believe in love again!
Have you ever heard the expression, whatever you focus on grows? Instead of giving up in your own mind and heart, instead of convincing yourself to lose hope, try putting your heart and soul behind the idea that the love of your life is JUST AROUND THE CORNER!
I know of what I speak. Probably NOBODY could have convinced me that I was about to meet the man I had been hoping to meet forever, the day I met Mike almost four years ago. But I had been putting my heart and soul out there for quite a while before that happened.
First of all, I DID start a dating service! I did spend lots of time interviewing eligible women and men. And I even took what felt like a gigantic risk when I called a past lover to clear out my own love drain pipes from past disappointment and pain.
How could you prepare to meet the love of your life today? How could you focus more positively on how it will feel when you KNOW you’ve just met THE ONE? How could you work today on removing all the obstacles in your own brain and heart to believing that this could really happen?
I have a suggestion. Before I met Mike, I made a point of listening to music that was totally positive about love. I saw it as a sign when great love songs came on the radio. That’s one way to control your brain waves unconsciously.
I can highly recommend most Stevie Wonder songs, but my own personal favorite is: BRING ME A HIGHER LOVE! by Steve Winwood. In fact his whole album “BACK IN THE HIGH LIFE” is the essence of positive love vibes.
Make some small investment today in your future happiness! Buy some music that makes you feel great, you know, the way it feels to be in love!
“Without music, life would be a mistake.” -Nietzsche
9 Comments | Authenticity, Brains and aging, Creativity, Dating at 50, Defining midlife, Falling in love, Learning cycles, Living an authentic life, Loneliness, Lost love, Love later in life, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Singles success, Techniques for transitioning, love and hope, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing, self-protection, solitude | Tagged: a higher love, believing in love again, fall in love again, love songs, love songs and finding love, music and believing | Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
How do we ever reach our lifetime goals?
November 11, 2008
I am completely astounded that I am now in the final stages of publishing my first book. This just happens to be one of the most important goals of my entire life!
You cannot imagine the excitement and joy I find in reviewing the final drafts, especially because my editor and designer, Sarah Johnson, is doing such a fantastic job of making my book a unique and beautiful vision of everything I have ever wanted to present to the public as my work. This is not just a book, but a piece of art and a lovely keepsake.
It boggles my mind, when I think of all of the things that have had to change in my life, for this moment to arrive! I have gotten to know so many great people on this journey, especially friends and family who have stuck with me through so much apparent failure and adversity. I have transformed my life from the ground up, and this book is simply the story of how that happened.
I am reminded of something I read decades ago from the German philosopher Schopenhauer (1788-1869). He said that as our life progresses, we rarely see how one experience or chance meeting leads to another and another, like a kind of chain reaction, but when we look back over it all, near the end, it all makes perfect sense.
For example, I now know that this particular chain reaction began for me with my own brave decision to leave my angry, controlling husband back in 2001. From that one decision came many more transformations in both myself and my belief in my own power to change, and finally choose my best life.
Along the way I met some amazing people who spurred me on, even as they helped me to reject certain dead end paths I found myself on, therefore forcing me to choose something different. One change led to another, meeting one person led to meeting another, who taught me that I really could change my life and finally make it completely mine.
I slowly began to trust in the universe and its wisdom to guide me to my heart’s desire. I learned to listen to the still small voice within whenever it gave me a subtle nudge. I now know what a powerful tool my own intuition is! And I have also learned how to accept support from those who truly love me. Heartfelt thanks to those closest to me!
I have recently begun to live a life I could only have imagined back in 2001. How? By trusting in the dream, learning to love myself fiercely, and believing that I had the power within to bring this all to fruition.
1 Comment | Acceptance, Anger and marriage, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Codependency, Control issues, Creativity, Dating at 50, Dealing with anger, Defining midlife, Domestic abuse, Falling in love, Identity crisis, Job loss, Learning cycles, Living alone, Living an authentic life, Love later in life, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Shame and change, Singles success, Stress and marriage, Techniques for transitioning, alienation, career change, depression, divorce, love and hope, menopause, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing, self-protection, solitude | Tagged: accepting assistance from others, believing in yourself, reaching lifetime goals, Schopenhauer | Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Three key ingredients to healthy relationships
October 27, 2008Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks are true “experts” in better living through conscious relationships. I remember workshops I took from them, back when I was training at the Naropa Institute in counseling psychology.
John Gray, the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus says: “Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks are masters of the art of intimacy.” Here’s a link to information about their online course on relationships.
They believe there are three major factors that determine the health of any relationship: authenticity, responsibility and appreciation. The following discoveries apply to all relationships: at home, at work, and in the world at large:
•A relationship thrives only when people speak honestly to each other about the significant matters in the relationship.
•A relationship thrives only when people take responsibility, instead of blaming each other, for the issues that arise in the relationship.
•A relationship thrives only when people express abundant appreciation for each other.
Gay and Kathlyn have worked with over 500 couples in counseling, and have seen real magic happen when these three rules of relationship are applied.
These factors came up in a fascinating article from the Huffington Post about the body language between John and Cindy McCain, what their language might say about how they relate to each other, and how we all deal with addictions in our own relationships.
3 Comments | Acceptance, Anger and marriage, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Codependency, Control issues, Dating at 50, Dealing with anger, Defining midlife, Falling in love, Identity crisis, Learning cycles, Living an authentic life, Love later in life, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Singles success, Stress and marriage, Techniques for transitioning, divorce, love and hope, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing, self-protection | Tagged: conscious loving, Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, relationship success, relationships and addictions | Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Are 50-year-old men the most romantic?
October 20, 2008Have you heard yet about the recent findings of Jim Forward of the Warner Leisure Hotels?
His research shows that: “By the time a man reaches his fifties he has a wealth of experience under his belt, and will be wiser about the things which please a woman…When a man reaches the grand old age of 53, he will be wiser about what works, and will be more likely to make an effort.”
I don’t think of age 53 as grand or old, but my own personal experience agrees completely with these results! I met my present husband when I was 49 and he was 50. He was truly the most romantic man I could have imagined once we began dating regularly.
From opening the car door for me, to kissing me goodbye every day, Mike made it perfectly clear that I truly was the best thing that had ever happened to him. I, of course, loved all the special attention, but feared this was just a passing phase. I mean, it felt authentic enough, but how long can it last?
Now, almost four years into the relationship, he still says he loves me and kisses me goodbye everyday, and his actions speak louder than these words.
Soon after we met, when I expressed the wish that we had met earlier in our lives, Mike insisted that I probably wouldn’t have liked him as much in his 30’s and 40’s. He said he was much more self-absorbed and egotistical, not to mention insecure, and he wasn’t all that much fun to be around then.
And when I think about it, I’m sure the same is true for me. Boundless insecurity rules most of our lives when we’re younger, and we seek anyone to help us just feel decent about ourselves. We really don’t have much to give at that age.
As we age and mellow, the important issues surface. What matters in life becomes oh so clear, and in my case that was a positive, loving relationship I could completely count on. For once in my life I wanted to experience authentic love, and I finally found it with my 50 year old.
I found a card recently that expressed all of this perfectly:
If I know what love is, it is because of you!
5 Comments | Acceptance, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Dating at 50, Defining midlife, Falling in love, Learning cycles, Living an authentic life, Love later in life, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Singles success, Stress and marriage, Techniques for transitioning, love and hope, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing | Tagged: 53 year-old romantics, romance in your 50's, when are men most romantic? | Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
Don’t miss my talk today!
October 8, 2008
I heard a great quote today:
Make your mess, your message!
This is what I have tried to do with my own midlife crisis.
My mission is to help others understand just how normal a midlife crisis really is, and to show how tremendously positive the long-term outcomes can be if we commit to changing our lives in midlife.
Now I have been invited to be interviewed by Les Brown on his online internet radio program “Midlife Matters” this Thursday evening.
I’m very excited! Last week Les and I met and began discussing one of his recent blog posts. In this post he posits his brilliant idea that our present financial crisis may be a national midlife crisis.
I LOVE THIS METAPHOR!!! The more I thought about it, the more I realized how interesting this idea really is. A crisis of any kind requires us all to re-think our priorities. These dangerous times may be our opportunity to grow up and take full responsibility for our part in the irresponsibility of our nation.
Perhaps something truly positive will come of this crisis. Perhaps we will all become a little less selfish and consumer oriented, and finally learn that very few of the things that really matter in life can be bought.
Perhaps we will all become less blaming, and more responsible for our own actions. A good crisis often brings out the best in each of us. We may find some amazing qualities in ourselves, we didn’t even know we had.
Anyway, Les and I will be speaking together at this address, on Thursday, October 9th at 8 PM eastern standard time for one hour.
We will be discussing the whole gamut of questions which regularly come up around midlife change like the myths and realities surrounding midlife crisis, why depression seems to be a part of the crisis, how men and women experience and respond to midlife crisis differently, etc.
Please join us! You can call in your comments during the show at: (646) 200-0886.
If you can’t make it on October 9th, no problem! You can still listen to the entire interview at a later date, at the same URL.
No Comments » | Acceptance, Authenticity, Brains and aging, Control issues, Dating at 50, Dealing with anger, Defining midlife, Falling in love, Identity crisis, Job loss, Learning cycles, Living alone, Living an authentic life, Loneliness, Major transitions, Midlife Mental Health, Psychological effects of midlife, Psychology of life changes, Self Authority, Self Esteem, Self-compassion, Self-counseling, Self-help, Self-love, Self-responsibility, Stress and marriage, Techniques for transitioning, alienation, career change, depression, divorce, love and hope, menopause, self discovery, self empowerment, self transformation, self-nurturing, self-protection, selflessness | Tagged: Blogtalk radio, financial crisis October 2008, Les Brown, Midlife Matters, national midlife crisis | Permalink
Posted by midlifecrisisqueen
