Midlife Crisis Queen: The Weblog

In honor of the passing of George Carlin, I would like to propose my own new rules for 2009.

New Rule #1:  Stop sending all of our hard earned dollars elsewhere.  I know we feel guilty if we’re not trying to save everyone everywhere at all times, but guess what?  We are doing a very bad job of saving ourselves at the moment.  Please spend our tax dollars on us for a change.

New Rule #2:  Get your priorities straight.  No matter how rich, famous or brilliant you are, if we don’t save the planet you are out of luck!  Even Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and Oprah combined can’t make it all better if (when?) global warming kicks in.

New Rule #3:  You are responsible for your own children, pets and checking accounts.   Time to grow up and show your kids, pets  and finances whose in charge at your house.  I guess some of us never learned how to be responsible for our own kids, pets and mortgages.

New Rule #4:  Tell your whiny, cranky teenagers to detach from their cellphones and get a life.  Heaven forbid that kids today might be required to stand up for themselves, get a job, and show some backbone.

New Rule #5:  Employees of America, please re-learn what “customer service” means.  I am so tired of asking for assistance at a store, and being confronted with an employee who acts pissed off when they have to actually be nice and do their job.

New Rule #6:  Dark restaurants with unreadable menus.  I wonder how many restaurant owners have ever tried to read their own menus in that dark little corner of their shop.  So, were you thinking that if we can’t read the menu, we won’t be able to complain if we don’t like the food?

New Rule #7:  Some of you really need to relax around the way you load your dishwashers.  I’ve been seeing and hearing some scary stuff about obsessive/compulsive behavior in this department.

New Rule #8:  Stop coming to a complete stop and waiting until all traffic has passed when you enter a merge lane.  To merge means to get out there quickly and smoothly, not stop for a while to see what happens.

Finally, I would like to reiterate George Carlin’s 2008 Rule #3:   Ladies leave your eyebrows alone!  You know he’s right on this one.  After I read his rules from last year, I started really noticing all the ways that women torture and screw up their own eyebrows…amazing!!!

Please feel free to add your own new rules as needed.