Midlife Crisis Queen: The Weblog

I promised about a week ago to get back to the amazing amount of great information in Sue Shellenbarger’s book: The Breaking Point.

In this book she talks about many things including the differences between men and women. Why we get into a midlife crisis and what types of triggers set us up for this turbulent time in our lives.

Any number of life crises may occur to make you suddenly and completely realize how unhappy you are with where you’re at right now. The more common ones are divorce, or the need to consider divorce, job loss, the death of a parent, career change, empty nest, sudden, unexpected injury or illness, or a near death experience.

Any change or combination of changes which are difficult to deal with, and therefore wake you up to the realization that this is not the life you had pictured for yourself, these are the events that set you on a path towards crisis and eventual life transformation.

Women’s triggers are most likely to begin with a family event or problem, from a divorce or a parent’s death to an extramarital affair. Problems related to children are more likely to surface for women, like realizing that you have not met your own goals as a parent.

Male midlife crisis is more likely to be driven by work or career concerns, while women’s turmoil is more likely to be driven by introspection. Women are more likely to attribute their crisis to some new insight into themselves through religion, therapy or reflection.

Women are also more likely to cite personal health problems as the cause of their crisis (7.4%), compared to men (2%), including worries about personal attractiveness.

Ms. Shellenbarger names five major life circumstances which can contribute to a midlife crisis:

1. People with unsatisfying or all-consuming careers or stagnant marriages are prime candidates.

2. People whose work and family life is a constant juggling act which crowds out all other pursuits.

3. People who are carrying a lot of emotional baggage from childhood are at higher risk.

4. People who exhibit a tendency toward instability in their emotions, interactions and relationships. People who tend to become more easily upset by daily stressors and interactions. (This could include highly sensitive people).

5. People with a history of depression in themselves or their families.

Not surprisingly, researchers also found that those with a high degree of life competencies such as communication skills, relationship skills and work skills have a much better chance of making the life changes that will enable them to emerge from midlife more satisfied and successful.