Midlife Crisis Queen: The Weblog

Love is not just something that happens to you. It is a certain special way of being alive. -Thomas Merton

Love is not the same in every decade of our life. When we are young it often comes from a place of boundless insecurity. “Who would ever love me? I’m so glad someone finds me lovable!”

As we age, we slowly gain increased self-love and confidence that we do indeed have something to offer as a partner in love and life. We may start to appreciate certain aspects of ourselves. “Gee, I really am a funny person. I have a lot to offer in terms of intelligence and sensitivity.”

Love can become “a certain special way of being alive.” What does this look and feel like from the inside looking out? To me it is an attitude of openness. It is your ability to finally authentically let go of past rejection and disappointment, and then step outside of your comfort zone just enough to trust others again. It includes the challenge of first taking the time and energy to become your best self, and then show that self to the world with new confidence.

The challenge is in knowing exactly who you are, and then taking the risk that others will find enjoyment in your presence. The first time I met Mike, my new husband, I now realize what a gigantic risk I took simply by being myself. And yet if I had not taken that risk, how would we have known how wonderfully compatible we were immediately?

That is why I strongly recommend that those meeting new friends through online dating sites etc. try to first accept who they are, and then express that clearly when they first meet others. It does not serve either one of your purposes to camouflage your true self in some sort of disguise. You can only look forward to future disappointment and disillusionment when the truth comes out.

I have eternal respect for Mike’s honesty, because up front, before we ever met, he told me about his experiences with chronic fatigue. He didn’t want to get involved with a woman who was not able to deal with his daily reality, and I felt immediate trust with a man who would be so honest even with a stranger.

Love is first and foremost self-love and acceptance, and then it is openness, honesty, and the excitement of knowing that if you put yourself out there exactly as you are, some will find you absolutely irresistible!