I changed my mind and now it works better!
I saw a story on CBS Sunday Morning today about transgendered persons who come to Trinidad, CO for sex change operations when they can no longer tolerate the hypocrisy of living in the wrong type of body for their psyches.
One person they spoke to described her own personal crisis this way, “It finally came down to either changing my body or suicide.”
It’s too bad, but for some of us stubborn types, it can come down to such extreme choices, before we will even begin to seriously consider changing our lives.
I know I had my moments and even days in the midst of too much loneliness, confusion (partially brought on my menopause), and general midlife hell, when I would have welcomed an untimely end to it all. My own fear and resistance to change was so great, that I could not imagine how good it would be for me.
Part of the reason we fear change so much is that we assume that things will be worse if we change our way of being, never allowing for how much a different path could lead to gigantic improvements in our lives.
Here’s a simple metaphor about how I resist even simple changes in my life. We just got a new stove so I can no longer use the glass pans I like best. I have resisted going to buy new pans for a month now, because I’m angry that I can’t have things the old way anymore.
Then yesterday I finally realized that I could research the best type of pans for this new stove, and buy perhaps better pans than I’ve ever had. I accepted that this transition could be fun, but I’ve been defending against it for weeks because of my old, stubborn pattern of resisting any type of change. Then I could give away my old pans to someone who really needs them.
Now, let’s take this metaphor and plug it into a much more dramatic life change like divorce or a career change. Your job or spouse of many years may be wonderful, but simply not the one for you. You may resist this reality for years or decades but that does not change the facts.
Instead of assuming that any major change will only lead to misery, try to imagine how you might be enlarged by the experience of doing what you were born to do for a living, or finally sharing your life with someone who understands and appreciates you implicitly.
After all the major transformations I’ve experienced in the past few years, my recommendation is to embrace change, rather than constantly defending against it. If you have struggled this long with an issue, it is very big in your life, and it ain’t going away by itself.
If your mind, body and spirit is crying out for some life change, you know it. So now listen to your own wisdom coming from inside. Trust that inner voice and move on to a brighter future!
