I have learned an amazing number of useful things from my masseuse Marolyn. I’ve been seeing her regularly for years, long before my divorce in 2001. She always helps me keep my life in perspective, while making my body feel marvelous!
For example, after my divorce she kept telling me how much happier and healthier I seemed. She said I seemed so much more alive. She also tells me that I am more in touch with what is happening in my own body than most people she meets.
After my recent bike accident, something she said showed me that I have some sort of sixth sense around others. I can feel immediately if they care about me or not, and if I sense any level of disrespect or disinterest, I generally end the relationship. I thought everybody was like this! It’s funny how we assume that everyone else’s experience of life is just like ours.
Marolyn turned me on to an interesting book recently called: The Highly Sensitive Person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you, by psychologist Elaine N. Aron. There I learned how unusual I truly am! Dr. Aron has studied this phenomenon for years and has found that only around 15% of Americans are “highly sensitive.”
What does that mean? She offers a self-test at the end of her preface which questions how sensitive you are to subtleties in your environment, other people’s moods, pain, spending too much time around others, bright lights or loud noises, to name only a few examples. Sensitivity to caffeine and other stimulants is also mentioned, as well as startling easily.
I’ve always known I was a little more sensitive than most, but this book explains so many of the problems I’ve had relating to others my whole life, problems like not being able to spend long periods of time around others and needing lots of time alone. Dr. Aron has researched this topic for five years with in-depth interviews, clinical experience, and hundreds of consultations with HSPs.
BTW, I learned from this book that both my new husband and I are highly sensitive people. That explained a lot to me about how we clicked so quickly when we met, and why we can spend more time together without getting on each other’s nerves. We are both very sensitive to being highly sensitive!
July 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Laura, You are always right on top of the current news, books, movies, etc.! As an INFJ I am also a sensitive person. I am in tune with others feelings, need a LOT of alone/quiet time, get overwhelmed by confusion/loud noise (my trip to Elitch Gardens wtih my grandson was almost traumatizing :-), think a lot in my head but have a hard time explaining my thoughts, etc, etc. I haven’t read the book, but it’s been popping up online in sites I’ve been surfing. Guess I’ll have to get it. Thanks for your blog, it’s always enlightening. Carol
July 24, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Hello Carol:
Glad you’re enjoying my blog! It’s become a bit of an addiction for me with ever increasing readership!
I’m also a INFJ and just about any situation with large crowds and noise drives me nuts!
Take care,
Laura
July 24, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Hi Laura - I always love reading your posts. I too am an HSP and it explains so many of my “quirks.” My husband is not, (an HSP) so it helped us both when I came upon Elaine Arons’ book. He now doesn’t take it personally when I ask him when his next trip out of town might be (I need that alone time!) and I don’t look upon his need to turn the tv on loudly as some sort of affront to my peace of mind. He guzzles red wine and coffee, I love fizzy water and green tea.
Thanks for bringing this to the forefront. Knowng it also helped me understand my pull to write my book - it gave me a legitimate reason to spend a lot of alone time! (and thanks for the wonderful words you shared about Amazing Grays - I appreciate your enthusiasm.)
July 25, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Hi Maggie:
Good to hear from you! Still considering starting a midlife-focused online magazine.
If we do, would you be willing to write for us sometimes? I love your writing and your ideas!
Cheers,
Laura Lee
August 17, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Nice to see someone else writing about being an HSP!
I’ve been “on the path” as an HSP since 1997, and it’s fascinating both how similar HSPs are, while at the same time we can experience our sensitivity in so many different ways.
Very cool that you’re married to a fellow sensitive!
Blessings,
Peter
August 19, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Thanks Peter.
Being highly sensitive certainly has its up and down sides. I’m just glad Mike and I can make allowances for our various sensitivities and, in this way, keep from driving each other nuts. Life is always a challenge!
Cheers,
Laura Lee