“A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short.”
One phrase that has stuck with me through the years, is the idea that in a good marriage we become custodians of each other’s solitude. As unromantic as this may sound, with age it seems to be oh so true!
Every time I travel with Mike, my husband of close to 3 years now, I am reminded of the amazing bond we share. We both can find no greater joy than to be out in the middle of nowhere, exploring areas we have never seen before. The scenery doesn’t have to be fantastic, just something previously unexplored.
Driving across the parched northeastern plains of New Mexico the other day, we shared this excitement. Most might not enjoy the process of arriving at some destination, but we love the simple adventure of being on the road together.
Part of the reason we enjoy each other’s company so much, is the fact that we both come to this relationship from spending most of our adult lives alone. I realized on this most recent trip, that Mike and I are really just a couple of very well-matched loners. In other words, we are both quite comfortable spending time alone with ourselves, but presently prefer each other’s company.
We both seem to like doing similar things, and come to the same conclusions about much of what we observe together. Then there are those things that fascinate him, like the tour we took of Conchas Dam, which doesn’t exactly get me going. But I love to observe how excited he can get about understanding the internal workings of things like dams and cars, etc. Mike is no writer, but he loves to see me get excited about some project I’m working on.
Why does our marriage work? From my perspective, it is because I have never felt so well taken care of. I feel all of those qualities discussed in How to be an adult in relationships. I feel healthy amounts of attention, full acceptance, great appreciation, endless affection and I am allowed to be myself in all ways.
And if you would like my opinion, a human being can’t ask for much more than that!
May 3, 2008 at 10:04 pm
You know, the answer to this question must be like a snowflake: each one is different and yet perfect. What makes our marriage good is that we are willing to struggle with each other to find a good solution to times when life, and our temperaments, take us in opposite directions.
I wish you’d come over and answer the question: what makes a good spouse. Many new couples read my blog searching for answers, even though it’s intended for ‘old fogeys’ like me (just kidding). The more points of view the better, I think.
I look forward to getting hold of a copy of David’s book to read. Thanks for sharing it.
May 4, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Hi Dina:
I’ve looked at your site, but wasn’t sure how to comment there.
Please instruct me.
Laura Lee
May 12, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Hey Laura,
Glad to have you as part of the conversation. Click on either the title of the post or the Blog link in the top nav panel. Right at the top of the post, next to the date, is a link tht says ‘Leave a Comment’. Guess I’ll have to make that bold! Thanks.