Midlife Crisis Queen: The Weblog

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful, than the risk it took to blossom.”  – Anais Nin

When things are looking pretty grim in your life, it sometimes feels scary to try and imagine something better for yourself.  Part of the reason for this is that we may have an unconscious belief system that says: “I deserve all the bad things that are happening to me right now, and this is punishment for something I did in my past.”  

This reflects confusion in your belief system, and a case of low self-esteem.  Bad things happen to everybody!  And, perhaps more importantly, bad things can turn into the best things that ever happened to you!

I have been constantly reminded, since my major midlife changes began, of the old Chinese fable called “The Lost Horse”.  That is the story of the man who loses his best stallion and his neighbors console him by saying, “That’s bad.”  Eventually the horse returns with a mare by its side.  His friends gather around and say, “That’s good!”

A couple years later, the man’s son breaks his hip while riding the stallion. Everyone assumes this is very bad luck and says, “That’s bad.”  But later, when a foreign army comes to collect every able-bodied man for conscription, the son is saved by his injury. 

This allegory is the perfect description of how hard it is to interpret immediately the meaning of major changes that come our way.

One important lesson I have learned throughout my own midlife transitions is that it is impossible to interpret the meaning of life experiences, at the moment that they happen to us.  I can look back on many recent experiences that seemed so discouraging at the time they happened.  And then, a few days, weeks or months later, I realize they were just what I needed at the time.

Let me give you a small, simple example that has led to so much happiness in my life!  After I started my matchmaking service a few years ago, I realized that I just wasn’t attracting enough cool men in their 50’s and 60’s to match with the many dynamite women I had met.  I wondered if I could continue unless I convinced more men to join. 

I decided to write a really general profile on Match.com to attract lots of cool older men for me to talk to.  I figured we could meet, and then I would tell them about my business and then introduce them to my women clients. 

The first man I met this way turned out to be my new husband!  The first time we met, we spoke for ten hours straight!  We had amazing amounts of background, interests, and values in common.  My fears about maintaining my business led to much happiness for both me and Mike. (See Falling in love at 49)

From these kinds of experiences, I have learned that it is always best to take the risk of being positive, no matter how discouraging your present circumstances may appear.  Bad experiences often lead to something better, just around the corner.  The “meaning” of what is happening right now, may not be revealed for a long time after it happens.

Life is shaped by all the choices we make each day.  So why not error on the side of interpreting things in a positive rather than negative light.  Your negativity may be standing in the way of you seeing all the amazingly wonderful things that COULD happen to you today!