I always wanted to be happily married. I just didn’t believe it was possible. I had no reason to believe it was possible. I mean, what are the chances? My experience, and that of almost everyone I knew, suggested it was truly impossible. A nice pipedream, but highly unlikely.
Now I find myself very happy in my relationship with my husband, but still waiting for the bad news to arrive. That’s me! Some of the best luck in the history of womanhood falls in my lap, and I keep wondering why and when it will end. Go figure.
I’m reading a wonderful new novel right now: Loving Frank by Nancy Horan. It’s the fictionalized story of Martha (Mamah) Bouton Borthwick, a woman who had the audacity to follow through on her intense love for Frank Lloyd Wright in the early 1900’s, in spite of the fact they were both married to others. Here is a woman caught in the strict morals of her time, asking herself constantly the question:
“Do I have the right to experience authentic love, even though I’m married to a man I don’t love?”
Through the powerful words of Ellen Key, a suffragist and well-known writer of the time, Mamah decides she does have the right to experience love and also an exciting career as the translator of Ellen Key’s American editions. At one point she says:
How ridiculous it all seemed, when life itself was so short, so precious. To live dishonestly seemed a cowardly way to use up one’s time…life had bestowed on her another kind of love that was both erotic and nourishing…to accept this gift seemed to be an affirmation of life.
This one woman’s story makes me feel even more fortunate to have met and fallen in love with my husband Mike. At the age of 50 we both had no other involvements, no complications in the way of us falling in love. We both realize how lucky we were to simply meet, and quickly recognize the amazing opportunity before us.
Now I need to quit worrying about why I am so fortunate, and appreciate every day the wonder of true love and acceptance.
Worry is such a silly thing…
Don’t let worries about tomorrow, rob you of today!
